I’m staying at my Aunty’s in Cairns, it’s a nice modern house situated in the perfect suburban neighborhood. It reminds me of the movie The Truman show. I started thinking “did I totally miss the point of that movie?” Is it just about a man living a fake existence and being watched by the real world or is it a comment on “the real world”. Does it poke fun at society, about the conventional path and the picturesque suburbia that most of us seem to be striving for? All I do know is that it is questioning what is real and so am I.

I have been thinking about my life choices and the effect they will have on my future. I see my cousins happy in their relationships, one with two beautiful children, and my aunty and uncle, living it up, part-time in suburbia and part-time as grey nomads. All because they have the money to support these things. Here I feel like an alien, like a bum that has never worked a day in his life, a delusional dickhead with a pipe-dream.

I was bored and it’s been raining alot here so I brought some movies. I watched “Trainspotting” and my family couldn’t handle the language saying it was unnecessary. I agree that it is unintelligent, but nothing can show passion like screaming “fuck you” in somebody’s face. But what this really comes down to is art. This whole “art imitates life” business, swearing exists and it’s real however the majority of people don’t want reality, they don’t want movies or music, about sex, drugs or death, not if it’s set in a context where it could or has happened. They don’t want to feel like shit, they want to, for a few hours, bury there head in the sand and feel good, not a care in the world, it’s all good. I have tried to argue with these people, but to them im an idiot.

So fuck it, the career is in the bin, it’s all good let’s see where this takes me.

Sorry about the spelling and grammar, I don’t have a computer with me or the patience.